...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
