She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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