I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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