Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
