Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
