well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
