so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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