and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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