Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
