i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
