I'm eating all of the evidence.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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