I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
