I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just invented taco cereal.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
