Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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