I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
