this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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