Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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