I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
