I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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