Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
