Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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