a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
