I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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