So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
