what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
