That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
