Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
