I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize