her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
