she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
