You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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