apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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