Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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