He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
