then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
