Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
