Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
