I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
