My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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