When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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