i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
