he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
