i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
