I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
