omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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