wrigley field is MILF paradise
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
