we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
