...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
