i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
