I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
