I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize