just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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