She's JV to your varsity
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize