I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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