Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've blown a few things in my day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
