Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
