I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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