so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
