last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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