His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
