i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
