so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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