Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
