Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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