my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
