Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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