dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize