I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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