I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
