My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you inspire me to be a worse person
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
