come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
