ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
