Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
