And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
