I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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