i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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