you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
