I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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