Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
