During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
