who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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