Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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