Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
love makes seman taste better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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