This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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