and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
