don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize