last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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