If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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