i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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