i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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