I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
