dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize