You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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