TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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