How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
