im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
