Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
