Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
