i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
