I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
