he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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