After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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