everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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