whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just gift wrapped bread.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
