I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
