I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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