so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
