I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize