so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
