how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
