If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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