Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
