yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
