New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
